Mish-mash

Tags

, ,

My brain isn’t working today. Not that it’s fully functioning on a daily basis, but today it’s definitely not working. I’ve been sluggish and without motivation all day. With that said, my thoughts are going here, there and everywhere and I’m not sure how much cohesiveness there will be in this post. Why am I writing then, you ask? Well, I’ve been wanting to write all day but have been unsure of which topic I’d like to tackle. I thought if I just start typing something will come to me.

So far nothing.

I’m going to start with my daughter Lauren. She’s 11 and starts junior high in two days. My girl is usually a very laid back, happy-go-lucky girl. So after a week of sobbing; complaints of stomach aches, headaches; saying her heart is racing and she can’t breathe I’m ready to pull my hair out. This came out of nowhere and I’m really trying hard to be as supportive as I possibly can while maintaining my sanity. These complaints come at night only and of course after I’m already in bed drifting off. I know for at least the last year her moods and emotions have been in sync with my monthly cycle, which is just fan-f’n-tastic. Seriously, I can’t even handle my own hormones, how am I supposed to handle both of ours at the same time!! It just so happens that a week ago I started my own pms-ing. At first I thought that’s what it was, she was just synced up with me and being super emotional. After two nights of the sobbing and her repeatedly coming into my room I decided to sleep down in the living room with her (At least my husband would get some good sleep, lucky guy that he is didn’t even know I was gone!) I slept on the couch and she slept on the floor right next to me holding my hand while we talked. And talked. And talked until 1 a.m and she said, “mom, it’s like we’re having a slumber party on a Thursday” and I replied in a sleepy one eye open voice, “go to sleep now”. I came to the conclusion on the third night that this was more than emotions. This was anxiety. She’s anxious about starting 6th grade. Duh! So, in an effort to ease her nervousness the very next day we finished her school shopping, replaced her dead fish from the carnival with a bright colorful beta, got her a new outfit for the first day of school and even got her a bunch of locker decorations. That night we organized all of her supplies and I printed and taped her schedule in her trapper keeper. I was so please with this that even I felt better, and I’m not the one who’s nervous. I thought for sure she’d go right to sleep. Hell no. This child was in and out of my room for an hour. After being sternly talked to by the dad, she went to sleep. Now, tonight was supply drop off and she was looking forward to it. It went well! Her locker is decorated, she met her home room teacher and she had her picture taken. All should be well…but it’s not. We get home and she’s getting “the feelings”. Tonight she got a spa bath…nice warm water, epsom salts, lavender oil, candles and a bath pillow, even a cup of sleepy time tea. If this doesn’t help the child relax I don’t know what will! I can’t help but think I really hope this is just nerves over starting junior high and in a few days she will be fine. Otherwise, dear Lord PLEASE just let her get her period already.

No wonder my brain is mish-mash today.

Anyone else go through something like this? If so, what did you do to handle it and how did it go/end up? I’d love some feedback 🙂

 

 

Advertisements

The Ugly Duckling

Tags

, ,

Today was a big day around the Jones Homestead (remember when I said I really liked homesteading?? I meant it). Today was Aidan’s first day of Freshman year….HIGH SCHOOL. Over the last week or so I have thought back to my days in high school, my days as a freshman in particular, and today was no different. Okay, so I also have been thinking about how old I feel, but I guess that’s irrelevant.

For me high school was just “eh”. Many people say high school sucked, many say it was the best years of their life. Me? “Eh”. In all honesty it was middle school that was brutal. I dreaded every day, sometimes begging and pleading with my mom to let me stay home. I was teased, snickered at, made fun of. It was awful. I entered high school feeling even more withdrawn and awkward. How could I not be, I was 6’0″ tall and resembled a baby giraffe. My brother actually made a great jab at me one day. I had been out with my best friend and when I walked in the house I asked him if anyone called for me. To that he said, “yeah, Big Bird…he wants his legs back”. Naturally I was annoyed but with my best friend cackling and howling with laughter behind me I decided to let it slide…I think because I felt bad for him. I mean I’m smarter AND taller, he should feel good about himself sometimes. With that said, I did make friends. I did participate in some extra curriculars. I do have a few wonderful memories. But I really, REALLY was awkward. Take a look at some of these pictures….I should have been given citations for my wardrobe choices.

1395112_10203087254845836_235067070277591482_n

And DON’T get me started on my Senior pictures…..why? Just why? (I’m actually teetering on whether or not to actually include these two photos…ugh, what the hell, why not!?)

Scan 2

Thank heavens everyone had to wear the same robes for graduation, there’s no telling what I would have shown up in. There’s no telling what I was wearing underneath it, to be perfectly honest. But I do know I did not take that robe off until I got home.

Scan 3

Thankfully I ended up blossoming as an adult, and definitely dressing better. I like to think of myself as The Ugly Duckling; truly awkward as a young woman but turning into a beautiful swan. This is my husband and I on our wedding day. I have never felt more beautiful than on this day!

wedding278

Thinking back to the kind of high schooler I was and watching my son enter high school is so drastically different. He absolutely loved middle school (I think he went to almost every school dance, if he could) and has been so excited to start high school. For the longest time I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he was ready for the big step, that he actually was looking forward to it. How in the world could he feel this way for when I was in this same phase I was terrified? Don’t get me wrong, he has displayed some trepidation, but has gotten over it pretty quick. Then it dawned on me. Aidan and I are the same, but so very different. He is me, but extroverted. He feeds off of his friends, they recharge him, bring him to life. It’s no wonder he’s been excited for high school and all of the social activities it entails. So while I have been sad, scared and wrapped up in my own emotions over my first-born entering high school…his happiness and excitement have made me happy and excited. I’m actually thrilled for him and truly thankful that the ugly duckling stage for him will be a short-lived phase. I’m looking forward to being there for all of his adventures and to cheer him on. Who knows, maybe this is a chance to relive my high school days in a not so introverted way!

2015-08-19 09.31.16

Until next time, find the beauty!

 

I have this tattoo…

Tags

I have this tattoo just above my left hip. It’s a pretty big size puzzle piece that is supposed to resemble stained glass and reads “beauty in unfinished edges”. I love this tattoo so much as it has some pretty deep-rooted emotion and meaning behind it, I designed it on my own, and it is a constant reminder that I don’t have to be perfect. See, I spent many years trying to achieve perfection in many different areas of my life only to come out failing in the end. I failed at school, my marriage, emotionally and financially. I honestly had very little self-worth and couldn’t for the life of me understand why anyone, male or female, would want to spend their time with me. I constantly compared myself to my friends and family. I mean seriously, what did I have to offer anyone on any level, romantically or socially? I never finished college, even though I attempted to quite a few times. I was married, had two kids and divorced by the time I was 30, talk about damaged goods. I’ve never traveled anywhere exciting, in fact I flew for the very first time two months ago….TWO MONTHS AGO, I’m 38 for crying out loud!!! (That story will require its own post) What in the world could I possibly have to contribute to any conversation with anyone, I hadn’t even flown until this year?! While friends my age were finishing college, starting careers and traveling I was raising babies and trying to make ends meet. In my mind I was on a different playing field and there was no way I could compete.

While I still question my self-worth and desirability to others, I have come a long way from the girl who felt like she didn’t measure up. Seeing my tattoo every single day in the mirror reminds me that life is one big puzzle that has many pieces. Those pieces are unfinished waiting to be found and put together. Some are smooth, some jagged, some straight, some angled and some curved. I’ve come to realize that no matter what shape the puzzle piece, or how big the puzzle, life isn’t perfect. My life isn’t perfect, I’m not perfect and that’s okay. I can mess up, I can be emotional, I can feed my children cereal for dinner sometimes and I can have a laundry pile on my bedroom floor for weeks and it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I have been able to find the beauty in my unfinished edges and be okay with it (most of the time, I’m still learning).

Starting this blog is a big deal for me. I’ve started other things but have figured out pretty quick that they’re not for me. I have sat and wondered what it was I was good enough at that I could feel confident enough about to share with others. I’ve thought about writing in the past but never really knew what I would write about or where to start. It just occurred to me that I don’t have to write a full book right off the bat. I decided to start a blog and just start writing and see where it takes me. I’m not going to promise you a new post every other day. I’m not even going to promise you a theme. What I will promise you though is honesty, humor, true stories and adventures. You can look forward to reading about my path to learning how much of an introvert I really am, my learning I have ADD (I’m blaming all my failures on my ADD by the way…and my first marriage, that wasn’t my fault), or my battle with anxiety. One day I might be a fashionista, the next an artist. Regardless of what I’m writing about I am truly looking forward to sharing my life and letting my creative juices flow.

Until next time, find the beauty!

Elizabeth

2015-08-12 19.49.10