I have this tattoo just above my left hip. It’s a pretty big size puzzle piece that is supposed to resemble stained glass and reads “beauty in unfinished edges”. I love this tattoo so much as it has some pretty deep-rooted emotion and meaning behind it, I designed it on my own, and it is a constant reminder that I don’t have to be perfect. See, I spent many years trying to achieve perfection in many different areas of my life only to come out failing in the end. I failed at school, my marriage, emotionally and financially. I honestly had very little self-worth and couldn’t for the life of me understand why anyone, male or female, would want to spend their time with me. I constantly compared myself to my friends and family. I mean seriously, what did I have to offer anyone on any level, romantically or socially? I never finished college, even though I attempted to quite a few times. I was married, had two kids and divorced by the time I was 30, talk about damaged goods. I’ve never traveled anywhere exciting, in fact I flew for the very first time two months ago….TWO MONTHS AGO, I’m 38 for crying out loud!!! (That story will require its own post) What in the world could I possibly have to contribute to any conversation with anyone, I hadn’t even flown until this year?! While friends my age were finishing college, starting careers and traveling I was raising babies and trying to make ends meet. In my mind I was on a different playing field and there was no way I could compete.
While I still question my self-worth and desirability to others, I have come a long way from the girl who felt like she didn’t measure up. Seeing my tattoo every single day in the mirror reminds me that life is one big puzzle that has many pieces. Those pieces are unfinished waiting to be found and put together. Some are smooth, some jagged, some straight, some angled and some curved. I’ve come to realize that no matter what shape the puzzle piece, or how big the puzzle, life isn’t perfect. My life isn’t perfect, I’m not perfect and that’s okay. I can mess up, I can be emotional, I can feed my children cereal for dinner sometimes and I can have a laundry pile on my bedroom floor for weeks and it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I have been able to find the beauty in my unfinished edges and be okay with it (most of the time, I’m still learning).
Starting this blog is a big deal for me. I’ve started other things but have figured out pretty quick that they’re not for me. I have sat and wondered what it was I was good enough at that I could feel confident enough about to share with others. I’ve thought about writing in the past but never really knew what I would write about or where to start. It just occurred to me that I don’t have to write a full book right off the bat. I decided to start a blog and just start writing and see where it takes me. I’m not going to promise you a new post every other day. I’m not even going to promise you a theme. What I will promise you though is honesty, humor, true stories and adventures. You can look forward to reading about my path to learning how much of an introvert I really am, my learning I have ADD (I’m blaming all my failures on my ADD by the way…and my first marriage, that wasn’t my fault), or my battle with anxiety. One day I might be a fashionista, the next an artist. Regardless of what I’m writing about I am truly looking forward to sharing my life and letting my creative juices flow.
Until next time, find the beauty!